The Desert

Dear readers,

I’ve only been gone for a little over a week or so as I am writing to you, but it’s amazing how much God can do in such a little amount of time.

I’ve been in a Desert for the last week. It’s felt like an eternity I refuse to lie to you.

Please allow me to describe this Desert to the best of my ability.

It’s lonely.

It’s plain.

It’s ongoing.

It’s maddening.   

It’s all too quiet.

This Desert has been my walk with my Lord.

As a Christian growing up it was never normal or right to share what was wrong between me and God. Any disconnect or problem needed to be hidden to show everyone around you that everything was A-Okay. ‘The Perfect Christian Son/Daughter Mindset’ if you will.

I’d like to challenge that mentality head-on.

Something is very wrong with that altogether.  

If I am to be authentic with The Church, my brothers and sisters in Christ, I would tell them every piece of information they would need to know about my day to day living, in order to best love me and walk alongside me in this life.

That includes the poop. (Pardon my language.)

God sees all the trials, the pain, and the sin. Why shouldn’t those around you?

I am not saying go and tell all of your neighbors about your struggles in your marriage or the last ugly fight you had between you and another family member. We ought not to be the hub of gossip being spread around us.

But sharing with those who are praying for on your behalf, who legitimately care for you, and want to see you grow closer with Christ, be open to those key people. God put them in your story for a reason.

Now, let’s go back to The Desert.

Why was I there? Did I choose to walk in that direction? Or was I meticulously placed there for a reason?

I stand before you with a very unsure answer. I honestly don’t know.

I know and trust the God of the Universe, and I know He doesn’t make mistakes, and everything that He allows to happen will always be for my good and His glory, but I have never walked through a Desert like the one I did this past week.

I spent intentional time with Him, constantly reading His word, really desiring to do His will above all else.

Yet in every minute of every day, I could not feel His presence.

I could not hear His voice.

I had never felt so alone in my life.

I could read and reread scripture that plainly says “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Sadly, I am not exaggerating when I tell you I screamed with everything within my heart at God the words Jesus cried on the cross.

“God, why have you forsaken me?”

It made no sense. I know He didn’t leave me. Yet my peace and joy were absolutely lost in His presence. I couldn’t comprehend it.

I believe God speaks to us still. With him being The Almighty Lord He can and does communicate with His children in so many different ways.

In the near future I will release a trilogy of letters titled “Dear Trinity”, and you will understand better what I mean at that time…

In The Desert, I did not hear from Him.

No matter how much I begged and pleaded.  

My joy was gone.

I was so tired.

Everything sucked.  

BUT.

Here’s the best part of the story, today I walked out of The Desert.

Yesterday I asked God if there was any scripture I needed to read to answer any of the many questions I bombarded Him with for the past many days. I immediately thought of Jonah 3.

I had so much excitement course through my veins. I heard something, maybe this verse would satisfy my thirst and hunger to be intimate with my Heavenly Father once again.

I’ll be honest nothing much happens in Jonah 3. I read it over and over praying that something would make sense, hoping something would click or shift within me.

Back to square one.

A spoonful of doubt, a cup of anxiety, and a lot of bottled-up anger towards God.

All of a sudden a word stuck out to me.

“Fast.”

After Jonah shared the message from the Lord to the Ninevites, the people of Nineveh and the King all decided to repent and fast to show their devotion to God. A very humble heart posture altogether.

I thought at that moment that God wanted me to fast, which seemed like too easy of an answer.

“God, you just want me to do that? Is that really it? Is that how I get out of this Desert?”

No answer.

Of course, we’re back to one-way conversations.

This morning I woke up energized in every way. I threw some clothes on and went out to an old schoolhouse that is on the property I’ve been living on. I pulled up an old chair and sat down.

I found a book downloaded onto my iPad a couple of days beforehand called Forgotten God by Francis Chan, I’m already praying about writing a letter describing how monumental this book has been in my life, so I’ll keep it short for the time being.

The book describes the role of the Holy Spirit, the member of the trinity that I still to this day barely know.

We were introduced back in October of 2020, we’ve chatted a couple of times since then. Today I sat down and really asked Him some big questions.

I told Him that I needed Him to really flow into every part of my being. To flood my thoughts and my actions in a way that it’s so obvious that He leads my life and I do not.

I then opened my Adventure Journal (A large leather book with tattered pages. One of the coolest things I brought with me on the race.) I then wrote out a prayer, with many questions and thoughts.       

I then closed the journal and asked God the Father and The Spirit to answer my prayer in my thoughts. As words came to my mind I would write them down, and discern if they were truly His words and not my own selfish desires bleeding into areas where they don’t belong.

I kid you not, I got a response from Him.

With every word I heard I wrote it down eagerly, hoping that I wouldn’t fall behind in what I heard. A minute or so went by and I had a page filled with what I believe is God’s response to me.

A smile grew across my face.

I knew at that moment I was out of the Desert, and I never wanted to go back.

I’m sure you have or you will walk through a Desert in your life, I want to speak truth into you, lean on your Heavenly Father in every way possible. Do not be discouraged, it is only for a season.

The level of desperation you reach when you walk through The Desert is extreme, I can’t describe it any better than this. I hit an all-time low.  

I am now writing to you in a way I never have.

Someone who has such a deep sense of joy and amazement in my Father, who never left me, and He (by His Spirit) has led me every step of the way.

Brothers and sisters, please prepare for The Desert that is coming your way. You ought not attempt to avoid it and pretend you aren’t there now if that is the case.

Embrace it. It really refines you as precious metal put through flames.

You can only hold onto God in those moments.

He’s the one thing that won’t fail you.

Remember that.

Until next time.

-Mitchell