Dear readers,
This is the last letter in this short series. I pray that you have been encouraged and convicted as well as you read through my story firsthand. I pray God would open your eyes to see what He is wanting to you know.
Onto the week it all fell apart.
I am so grateful it did. That is not a lie or sarcasm either. I’m learning to love when God screws up my plans to move forward with what is so so much better.
His will, not my will be done.
I’d been praying to God for about a month or so about how to lead. I’ve never been a leader, and I’ve never really desired the position. So when I thought God was calling me to be a leader of a local church I got super anxious. I had not received any training or teaching in that area, and God never put the desire on my heart to go pursue a degree of that nature. So I didn’t quite know what God wanted me to do.
He lead me to the Gospel of John, I studied it longer than I probably have studied any other books in the scriptures. But specifically, I studied the character of Jesus. How he spoke, acted, and thought.
I wanted to imitate the perfect servant leader. Oh boy did I do my best.
Yet, it’s hard to glorify God when you are so hell-bent on the mission and not the Perfect Father who gave the mission to begin with.
I had 3 extremely hard conversations with people I deeply love, care and respect that week.
The first was a long walk. The two leaders of the bible study came alongside me in love and told me that God had made it clear to them that I was not to lead the young adult bible study.
They didn’t know why. But they wanted to be obedient to the Spirit’s leading.
The other two conversations happened back to back. (A bit of an overwhelming night if I might be so bold.)
Throughout the conversations that week many things were made clear.
- My stubbornness and pride were brutally killed.
- The dream of leading a church was confronted and called out as unhealthy.
- My stubbornness towards the American church was unhelpful.
- I had no one I was submitting myself under.
- I was shown unconfessed sin that I let fester for far too long.
- I was in no place to be leading anyone.
All in all, I cried deeply. My heart hurt so badly.
“God, why would you take away the mission you gave me? I thought I had it right for once?!?”
He reminded me of His love. His grace and mercy there in my brokenness. He picked me up, and said: “Wait for me.”
The human in me wanted to know why. So I asked Him so much, even in one single day. If I kept track the number would be utterly ridiculous.
I knew the answer. Yet I still asked the question.
His will, not mine be done.
That is where you find me today. God has done so much for me just in this week alone. As I hope to write to you more often I can make no promises. I want to steward this life well, and that means living it to its fullest.
I want to encourage you. That is always my goal. Look to the Father. Talk with Him if you haven’t recently. Lay everything down before Him. Let Him hold it. And walk faithfully in that.
Until we have the pleasure to speak again,
-Mitchell
